Grandmothers truly are gifts. Whether they spend time with us on special occasions, spoil us with gifts and toys, or sneak us extra cookies while our parents aren’t watching, they are a joy to have in our lives.
But after years of helping her daughter care for her son, one grandmother is now asking the internet if she’s in the wrong for retiring from childcare responsibilities. What do you think of this grandmother?
The Backstory
Redditor EconomyCharge6507 is a grandmother. She’s also in a bit of a familial dilemma and posted her story to Reddit to get answers.
It's something they're always happy to deliver on, regardless of the utility of those answers.
Grandparents And Grandchildren
Both the daughter and husband worked crazy hours, so instead of having “us time,” the grandparents took on the responsibility of caring for their grandson, including taking him to school, babysitting, and even watching him for a full month over summer break.
Still, the grandmother says they are very close, and “don’t resent what we did and enjoyed doing it.”
The Bouncing Reason Why
Now that the grandson is 18 and off to college, the grandparents plan to retire and move down south for some sunshine and relaxation (a plan that’s been years in the making). The daughter and her husband also have a 2-year-old son, and while the grandmother acknowledges they’re not as close, they love and spoil him very much. The husband works a high-paying job, but the daughter recently quit hers so she could be a stay-at-home mom.
And here’s the kicker: a third bundle of joy is now on the way.
An Upset Daughter
So here's where the situation begins to boil over.
"My daughter says we shouldn’t move because she may need our help. I said while her father is retiring from work, I’m retiring from childcare. I want to be the grandmother that sees her grandbabies and spoils them but is not basically raising them. She got offended and said that this is just 'what grandmothers do,’" the grandmother wrote.
Time To Ask Reddit
If the grandparents move, they’ll be four hours from their son, but much further from their daughter. Needless to say, the daughter and her husband are fuming and accuse the grandmother of cheating the younger grandchildren out of a relationship. “They say I make it sound like caring for my grandson was a chore,” wrote the grandmother.
So she asks Reddit: Am I in the wrong?
The Grandparents Have Earned A Break
Reddit overwhelmingly voted in favor of the grandmother and decided she was not in the wrong.
They say that for years she went above and beyond for her daughter and grandchildren when she was a struggling mother, and now it’s time for the daughter to finally give her the break she deserves.
The Daughter Needs To Grow Up
Many users focused their comments on the daughter directly and said she was no longer a frightened 16-year-old girl, but a grown adult who needs to sort out her own life and grow up.
“Did your parents raise your daughter for you? I'm trying to understand her thought that grandparents essentially raise their grandchildren. You've been very supportive, and she and her husband sound like they've done well! Go ahead and move, don't look back with any level of regret, enjoy your retirement. Your daughter needs to figure out her own life and choices,” wrote one Reddit user.
The Daughter Just Wants A Free Babysitter
Other users went a step further and accused the daughter of only being upset by the situation because it meant her free babysitters would no longer be available. They noted that while the grandparents undoubtedly love their grandchildren, childcare is a chore—and an exhausting one.
“She shouldn’t be having kids she wants someone else to raise,” one commenter noted.
Some Wondered What The Daughter Plans To Do
It was hard for some not to notice that the daughter quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom, which struck them as implying that she still wanted to offload those responsibilities onto her own mother.
Considering how many parents out there work while still taking an active role in their children's lives, they found her intentions to keep her mother nearby suspicious.
No Jerks Here
Not all comments, however, were critical of the daughter.
One Redditor pointed out that perhaps the daughter is just scared to raise children by herself, and worries that because of the distance if her mother moves, it could be weeks or months before they visit each other again.
Another said that perhaps the daughter was just going to miss her mother and the connection she had with her first grandchild.
The Daughter Still Rubbed People The Wrong Way
While some commenters could appreciate this perspective and debated leaning toward the consideration that there weren't any unreasonable people in this situation, there was still something about the daughter's reaction that bothered them.
As one named MetaEvan said, "You have a right to your own life. I understand that your daughter is upset that she doesn't get tens of thousands of dollars worth of free childcare anymore, but the onus for the raising the kids is on her & her husband, not you." To this person, the daughter's offence at the idea of her mother agreeing with this concept stank of entitlement.
If You Were In Her Shoes
So what do you think? Was the grandmother in the wrong for wanting to move away from her daughter and grandchildren? Or is the daughter being entitled by still expecting support all these years later and not letting her parents retire to enjoy their golden years?
If you were in this grandmother’s shoes, what would you do? Would you retire, too, or stick around to help take care of your grandkids no matter what?