For those of us who went to college or university, how do you remember paying for it? Did your parents foot the whole bill, did you work part-time, or were you perhaps on a scholarship? What about getting help from your teenage sister?
Well, that’s what’s happening with one family in the U.K. The mom is charging her working teenage daughter and sending the cash to her university-bound brother. Finances are always a touchy subject, and it’s got parents online talking.
The Forum Post
A mom took to parenting forum Mumsnet in order to get some clarity regarding her two teenage children and their financial situation, asking, “How do you square this without causing resentment?”
She shared that she has two children, a 17-year-old daughter and an 18-year-old son. The daughter is currently employed full-time doing an apprenticeship course, while the son decided to accept an offer to attend university. In order to support her son while he's away at school, the mom has told the daughter to pay up.
A Tense Family Dynamic
While the daughter works, the mom has been charging her monthly expenses, such as rent and gas, which equals about 25% of her take-home income. But that money is about to go somewhere other than the household bills: it’s going to the university-bound son.
“So we will be in a position of taking money from [daughter] and sending money to [son]. Which has totally changed the dynamic,” explains the mom. “I’m really conscious of causing resentment from [daughter] who already suffers a bit with middle child syndrome and jealousy.”
Let’s Break Down The Finances
The mother explains her reasoning and says that her daughter earns £12,000 annually (or about $16,000 USD). If 25% of that is contributed to the household, then that means the daughter pays £250 per month (about $340 USD).
She calls it “a high wage for an apprenticeship.”
Ask The Audience
She explains that once her daughter entered the workforce, she had in-depth conversations with her about contributing to the bills and how important it is to get used to not keeping your whole monthly wage right from the start. She adds that she doesn’t want to backpedal on her decision.
The mom says that it’s important for her daughter to contribute to the household, but for now, it’s her son who needs financial support. She then asks other parents, “If you’ve been in this situation what did you do?” And oh mama, did forum users have an opinion on this story.
No “Mother Of The Year” Here
Many users were shocked by the mom’s financial decision and one even expressed gratefulness that their parents never put that kind of pressure on them at a young age.
“I’m blown away you’re charging when she’s on £12k a year! Seems really mean and unfair. They’ve got plenty of time in life to pay rent and mortgages and bills,” wrote one user.
An Apprenticeship Is Still Education
Many users pointed out that while the daughter is technically earning a salary, an apprenticeship is still part of her education. One even went as far as to say that it sounds as if the mom is penalizing her daughter for not attending university.
“I'd also be furious if I was handing up money and my older brother was Scott-free and being supported just because he chose to go to Uni," wrote one user. "Lots of people work and are in education at the same time...you're in danger of placing your son higher in the pecking order in your [daughter’s] eyes just because he chose a third-level institution. You can't teach one responsibility and not the other.”
Creating A Piggybank
Many users suggested that the mom secretly put away the money the daughter is contributing each month in a bank account, and surprise her with it later on. The mom explains that “ideally,” that’s what she hopes to do, but doesn’t want her daughter to know (although many suggested letting the daughter know upfront). She adds that “there’s every chance she’s going to get pissy at some point that she’s paying and he’s not.”
The mom explains that her sensitivity to the dilemma and possible overthinking evolves from income equality during her own youth between her and her siblings. She says they had deposits on homes and their own cars, whereas she didn’t.
Supporting Mom
Many fully supported the mom's financial decision and pointed out that due to working at a young age, learning how to budget, and not having student debt, the daughter will be in a much better financial situation down the road.
“You're also still very much subsidizing her—if you're charging her 25% of £12k then that's less than £250 a month for rent, bills, and food, so it's hardly like you're charging her commercial rates to make a profit off her," wrote one user.
Part-Time Job
Other users pointed out that the daughter shouldn’t have to literally pay for her brother’s decision to go to university.
If finances are really that tight that the daughter is supplementing the family income, then he should either get a part-time job, obtain a student loan, or go to a more affordable institution.
Share Your Thoughts
The thread opened up a big conversation on finances, including whether working children who live at home should be expected to contribute to the household, and if there are different rules for when those children are in university.
Do you have an opinion on this story?